PAY ATTENTION TO ME

I stated in a previous post that I am happy living this solitary life - and I am. Or was. It is amazing how quickly it can go from being happy to be left alone to being terrified of being left alone. Sometimes it feels like this:

It's like I am on fire
can you see me?
I'm burning
it's just below my skin
it's lighting up every nerve in my body
making all the buzzers sound
and it's not a good "I'm on fire"
it's a strange kind of slow torture
and I don't know where it comes from
I don't know what is wrong
I'M BURNING!
I'm burning.
Everytime we touch - I burn
Everytime we don't - I burn
Everytime I fail - I burn
Everytime I am at a loss as to what to say - I burn
I'm doing that thing again
where I sit or stand in the middle of a room
very still
as still as I can
and I stare in front of me
and I cannot move
because if I were to move
I would scream!
I would yell
I would tear down the walls
and tear off my skin
I would scream that I am burning
and I don't know where it's coming from
but I fear its from with in
what if it is from with in me?
what does that say about me?
that my insides are made up of churning flames
capable of melting me from the inside out?
one day
you will come upon me
a worthless puddle at your feet
and you will still not understand
and step through it
step through me
at least then
I won't be burning anymore.